The Real Force Behind Building Commonalities
One of the corner stones of building comfort and rapport with anyone is having commonalities. Regardless of race, sex, or age we naturally try to build commonalities when we are engaging someone in conversation, but I’ve noticed no one really explained why we do it. We generally know that if two people have something in common, they get along better. I knew that since I was a kid. Nothing new there, but that doesn’t really answer the question of “why do people get along better when they have something in common?”
It wasn’t until recently when I was taking a shower that it hit me why commonalities are important. The real force behind commonalities is that when you see someone else have something you also have in common, it reinforces the beliefs and decisions you’ve made are good.
I repeat: Commonalities reinforce the beliefs and decisions you’ve made are good.
Just think about it. If you are an activist for green energy and you meet someone who is also into that, you will feel (subconsciously) that you have made the right decision to be a green energy activist, because you see someone is what you are. It’s very validating to see that, especially if the belief, lifestyle, or occupation, etc, is a big part of your life. The bigger the role it plays in your life, the more validating it is when you meet someone who shares that aspect of your life.
When I was in London, fellow Love Systems instructor sheriff and I were talking about women and our preferences. One thing that struck me was when he said (paraphrased): “When I meet a girl who is a third culture kid, it is game over. I’m all over her.” Not so surprisingly, sheriff is a third culture kid himself (someone brought up in one or many environments that weren’t their own culture). Compare that to meeting a girl that is from the same city you are from. It’s not as validating, right?
My point is, when it is a big commonality it’s very validating to see someone else who shares that with you. You instantly connect with that person because you know there are so many things you guys have in share; same beliefs, same decisions, similar life experiences, and so on. You can make someone feel this validation too by trying to find (impactful) commonalities. The easiest way is by playing the “question game”. Just make sure you fire off the right questions, which Braddock has a huge list of questions for the question game.
You can dig for commonalities for building comfort and rapport with girls you want to date, but you can do it the wrong way too by either getting into “interview mode” (asking many questions back-to-back when it’s not part of the question game) or getting in the friend zone (having too much rapport with no escalation). The former is what I see a lot. You see it back with guys who aren’t aware of Love Systems and try to pickup women. Right off the bat of the conversation they will try to dig deep with the girl to see if he has any commonalities.
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?
“What’s your favorite movie/tv show/color/X?”
And so on…..
As soon as the girl answers his question, the guy will try to see if he and she have something in common. If they do, then the guy bought himself a couple more seconds. If not, he will usually fire off another question to find commonalities.
In a lot of cases if the guy and the girl have something remotely in common, the guy will throw it out there but most of the time it won’t score points.
Guy: “Where are you from?”
Girl: “I’m from Santa Monica”
Guy: “No way….I have a friend who lives there.”
WHO CARES YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO LIVES THERE TOO?
I see this type of dialogue week in, week out. In most cases this type of dialogue will bore girls. One thing Future always says is that boredom is one of the kryptonites for attraction. To avoid the typical interview mode try to mix statements with questions. Every question can be restated as an statement. Instead of asking “where are you from?” you can say “You look like you’re from the Mid-west, because you’re so friendly.” Whether I’m right or wrong, she will let me know where she’s from. This is what we call a cold-read. If I’m right, I seem intuitive and I’m “in.” If I’m wrong, she will let me know where she is from. Win-win.
Trying to build (too many) commonalities before the girl is attracted is a fast ticket to boredom and friend-zone planet. That’s why within the Love Systems Triad Model, in the emotional progression you see that attraction comes before comfort. That’s also why I advocate using the question game mid-way in the conversation when you know the girl is attracted to you.
Before you start building commonalities with a girl, she should be first attracted to you. If she is not attracted to you, most of the time she will not want to invest in the conversation. Especially not building commonalities, that should be saved for later on. If want to know how to build attraction with women (and how to get started with dating more beautiful women), I highly suggest you pick up a copy of Magic Bullets.
My Trip To London
I just got back from a trip to London to celebrate Jeremy Soul’s birthday. As I’m blogging about this fun trip, I’m still recovering from the weekend. As Jeremy would say, “I’m getting old man…” says the guy who just turned 27.
So friday morning I woke up at 6am, got some breakfast and headed out to catch the train to the airport. The public transport system is really good in The Netherlands (currently where I’m vacationing), something that is non-existent in Los Angeles. Once I arrived in London, Jeremy picked me up from the train station. I stayed at his place for two nights. A couple hours after my arrival we would head to central London and grab some beers with Farmer It was my first time meeting Farmer and he is a really cool guy. Over some British beers we catched up on things and we did some daytime dating too.
Now London is generally not known for having a lot of beautiful women. After living in Los Angeles and numerous Las Vegas trips, my standards for beauty is set pretty high. Any other city I’ll be visiting really has to compete, although I still want to see Miami, Stockholm, Oslo, and Moscow before I make a final judgment which city has the most beautiful women. One thing I do know is that London will not be in top 10. Every city has its 1% women, but in London they were VERY rare.
When I was at the Spearmint Rhino in London a couple hours later (with Farmer & Mr M), I gave London another shot. They had some beautiful women there. It was my first time at a strip club in the UK, so I was curious how my Love Systems skills, especially stripper game, would be different. Turns out, it’s not that much different. I just did my thing like I normally do and met this half swedish/latvian girl with ease. So all my posts on stripper game are now officially UK approved too!
One thing I forgot to mention was that I finally got Soul to get into stripper game. I also got Farmer into it after we went to Spearmint Rhino. They both love it now. So I know already what’s going to happen at the Las Vegas Super Conference after hours….
.
The next day I met up with Jeremy, 5.0, sheriff, and Farmer to have some coffee and tea. Damn British people. They really do drink too much coffee and tea. We talked some shit on each other, had deep philosophical debates, and exchanged some next level Love Systems material you can’t even get the upcoming Super Conference (video here) or the Advanced Playboy Mansion bootcamp.
We bounced to a restaurant to meet up with Mr M and his roommate (or “flat mate” as the British say). We shared some Thai food and talked a lot about some social circle game and business stuff. We later went to a big club in London and because we were so bored of talking to girls in old fashion, we decided to spice it up by doing Keys To The VIP alike missions. It was hilarious, from saying the stupidest lines we gave each other to getting possessions from girls within 10 seconds.
It was great seeing the London based instructors. Normally I only see them when they come to the Super Conference, but it was great to see them in their own city. I’ll be back there again for another round of fun (and debauchery).
Ross Jeffries Lost His Mind
All the proof is in the video below.
Come See Dubbsy and Bonsai at 2010 PUA World Summit
Some great news for people who want to see me speak live. At the upcoming PUA World Summit, Dubbsy and yours truly will be speaking. We can’t reveal yet what we will talking about, but you can expect it will be cutting edge.
There is a long history between me and the PUA World Summit. I think I’ve been to every one for the last two years. The first time was when I saw Nick Savoy speaking. He was talking about female psychology (undoubtedly his favorite topic) and seduction. After he was done talking, I remember telling him how could make more money if he did X and Y. He said it was a good idea and would take it in consideration. Fast forward about a year later when I started to work at the Love Systems office and now this is what I do on a weekly basis :-)
Last year Daxx was one of the speakers and I was there to support him. I wasn’t an official instructor by then. So first I was a student and this year I’ll be one of the speakers. The same story goes for the Super Conference a couple weeks later. In my opinion every dating coach should be able to empathize with people who are following his work. That’s why we at Love Systems make sure that every coach was once a student before.
To get an idea what you can expect at the PUA World Summit, check out the video below:
I hope to see you there. Definitely say hi if you can catch me because I love getting in touch with my blog readers.
The Porn Stars of Love Systems Instructors
No this isn’t what you think….this is about the preferences of girls of a couple Love Systems instructors, with the twist that the girls are represented by a porn star / adult actress. Not the actual girls they are dating. I’ve worked with all the current Love Systems coaches and I got to see what kind of women they prefer. So I thought, I’d share it with the rest of the world. I only included the lead instructors (the ones that are teaching bootcamps) or else I would have to write this for hours since we now have about 30 instructors (most out of every dating company in our industry).
Without further ado…..
Tenmagnet & Kayden Kross
This was a tough one. Tenmagnet is one of the OG and he needs someone who is more classy and sophisticated, which is a rare breed in the adult industry. Plus she needs to have some intelligence. Another rare bread. Fortunately, Kayden Kross fulfills all requirements.
Braddock & Britney Amber
Braddock is the All-American boy out of all instructors. Tall, handsome, from the country-side, drove a tractor and played sports in school. Since his move to Los Angeles all he has been chasing is Socal girls: blond, tan, and blue eyes. So native Southern California girl Britney Amber fits him perfectly.
Future & Asa Akira
This whiteboy has yellow fever. That’s it.
The Don & Aletta Ocean
The man who claims that Moscow has the most beautiful women on the planet. With a history of dating Eastern European girls (and taming them) it’s no surprise Aletta Ocean is the pr0n star for The Don.
Mr M & Jesse Jane
As long the girl is not Asian, we are good. I also know Mr M really likes blond girls that have that sex appeal look. This guys knows what sexy looks like and so do I. With the above picture of Jesse Jane, you might now understand why Mr M likes the “sexy look.”
Cajun & Jenna Haze
Bad boy Cajun is a huge fan of rock n roll and the only adult actress who’s into that is Jenna Haze. Easy match.
Fader & Jenaveve Jolie
Computer nerd and rave enthusiast Fader loves Latin heat, especially Colombian women (and I don’t blame him). I almost picked Esperanza Gomez since she is from Colombia, but since Fader has been trying to pick up and seduce Jenaveve Jolie on Twitter (LS_Fader) I figured she is the best pick.
Jeremy Soul & Sasha Grey
Whenever Jeremy and I would do approaches on the street, we were usually going for the same women because we both like brunettes. For him though, he really likes brunettes with fair skin. If they are freaky in bed, even better! What better fit than Ms Freaky….Sasha Grey.
