Sunk Cost Applied to Dating and Relationships
When I was in college I was a Finance major. I love numbers and mathematical models. However, economics was never my favorite class. Many of the microeconomics topics never really interested me and let’s not even get started on macroeconomics. I’m more of a practical guy. Feed me information I can use today.
There are only two economic concepts that I find useful today. Besides understanding supply and demand, the concept of sunk cost is another one that stuck with me.
According to Business Dictionary, this is the definition of sunk cost:
Money already spent and permanently lost. Sunk costs are past opportunity costs that are partially (as salvage, if any) or totally irretrievable and, therefore, should be considered irrelevant to future decision making.
In other words, if you have put a lot of time and effort into something that is a cost you cannot bring back. In the book Making Great Decisions in Business and Life one of the tips they give on making better decisions is understanding the concept of sunk cost before you make a decision.
One thing the author says is that just because you have put in a lot of investment into something that is non-recoverable, that should not affect how you make your future decisions.
The example they give in the book is where a guy started a new business. He put a lot of personal time and money into the business, but it is losing money in the first couple of years. He is aware that he cannot sustain the business but he keeps it going because already put so much of himself into it.
Is that a good decision? He is losing money after all, but he argues “I’ve put so much money into it, I can’t walk away now.” The entrepreneur reasons that if he quits now, his previous investments is all lost. However, that is not the case. The business has already lost its initial investment. That’s a fact. It’s a thing of the past. It is sunk cost.
Making decisions are future-looking. So looking at the past losses should not affect the decision you are making right now. It is not relevant. Now apply the same concept of sunk cost to dating and relationships.
You shouldn’t let past investment levels in women affect how you go forward in your pursuit of a woman or relationship. For example, let’s say you met a girl and you two really like each other. You’ve been on a couple dates, paid for all of them, you’ve spent hours talking on the phone, and weeks have gone by. However, you two have not slept with each other yet so there is no real relationship yet.
Then she starts to become flaky and she is not reciprocating as much as she used to. You send her text messages but she responds to every other text. You call her once a while, she never picks up but once a while randomly calls you.
Should you still pursue her? I would say no. Put her on the slow track and start focusing on other women.
However, most guys will do the opposite and start chasing EVEN MORE. They can’t see what a bad lead is and because they have put in so much emotions, time, money, and effort into getting the girl, it is hard for guys to walk away from the girl. “I cannot walk away right now, I’ve put in too much to stop getting this girl now.”
Recognize the proble m? These past investment levels are sunk cost. Just because you’ve paid $250 on dates and spent hours on the phone, that should not affect your decision if you want to keep pursuing this woman. In the military they talk about “the facts on the ground,” whenever they want to make a (strategic) move. In other words, you want to look at the current situation and make a decision based on that. Not on what happened in the past.
Another common situation is when a guy just got out of a long-term relationship. The guy will reason that because he has so many shared experiences with the girl, money spent, some form of collateral, and so on, that he should stick to the girl.
WRONG.
Sunk cost. What’s in the past, is in the past. Of course that is easier said than done. As humans we value things a lot more once we have put investment into it. In the book Influence, which I highly recommend, the author talks commitment and consistency. The more work we for something, the more we value it. As time goes by and levels of investment goes up, we really dislike to lose something where we have a high level of investment level of. That’s one of the realms of breaking up; you “lose” all that investment you put into a person.
I just hope you can now think rationally now that you understand the concept of sunk cost before you make decision in your love life. Like Nick Savoy, an avid board game player, would say, “Play the board as it is, not how you want it to be.” Look at the current situation and make your decision based on that. Whether that is for your love life or not. You will be better off once you factor sunk costs in your decision making.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bonsai. Bonsai said: New blog! Sunk Cost Applied to Dating and Relationships http://bit.ly/9pAvz4 [...]
If you enjoyed this post, please consider to leave a comment or subscribe to the feed and get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Got the Love Systems Newsletter?
- Useful real life dating advice.
- Get tips from different dating coaches.
- Includes a plan for learning game.
- It's free!
