This is something I do every year to improve my game. Every December I always try to look back over the year and see what I did well and what I can improve. My annual review is really important because that’s what I use to set goals for the upcoming year. Especially when I was trying to learn Love Systems (before I became an instructor), I made leaps in my game by making sure that every year I reflect back on how my game has progressed. There are a couple questions I asked myself that made me reflect how good (or bad) my dating life was that year.

Even though we are way past the new year, this is still very valuable going forward. I want to share these questions with you, specifically applied to your dating life. I highly recommend you try to answer these for yourself and be honest.

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied were you with your dating life in 2010?

This gives you a quick snapshot how great your dating life is and can be very telling.

2. Why did you score that way?

Why did you give yourself that score? It’s really important to ask yourself this question. For a lot of guys, it’s because they didn’t go out enough. Or is it something different for you? Sometimes it’s really frustrating when you’re hitting a sticking point and you can’t seem to get past it. Whatever your reasons are, write them down.

3. What are your biggest accomplishments in 2010 since learning Love Systems?

Note every accomplishment you achieved after finding Love Systems. Perhaps it’s that you talked to more women that you ever had before. Maybe you had more dates and slept with more women. Whatever it is, write down all your accomplishments.

Now be proud of them. No seriously, I mean it. Read over that list and be happy about it. Your brain loves seeing positive results and it motivates you. For me, I had a hard time coming up with them when I first started with Love Systems. As soon I started to write them down (my first year I got more dates that I could handle) I started to realize how amazing my dating life actually was. Sometimes you don’t know what you have unless you are conscious of them.

4. What are the biggest lessons learned in 2010?

Sometimes when you’re out applying Love Systems, you’ll have an epiphany. What were those epiphanies for you? Write down those moments where the light bulb came on.

A lot of those came for me during the initial 2-3 minutes (I had to be more playful and teasing) and when I lost a girl along the way to my bedroom (“logistics”). The next day I’d think where I lost it and then it would hit me. The solution was then ingrained in my mind and the next time I wouldn’t lose the girl again in the same situation.

5. What are your current sticking points?

This is actually a question I ask myself every couple months, but I wanted to make sure you do this (at least) every year. If you have no idea what you’re current sticking points are, let me help you out here…

Can you consistently kiss a girl?

I really like this question because it involves a lot of moving parts:

• You need to have her be attracted to you
• She needs to be physically comfortable with you
• She is somewhere where her friends aren’t around (or else you get the kiss of death)

As you can see it involves all three tracks in the Love Systems Triad Model. If you answered a “no” to that question, what part of the Triad Model do you have to work on?

6. What are your immediate next steps to overcome those sticking points?

Now that you have identified what your sticking points are, setup a game plan to overcome them. To skyrocket your game, sometimes you have to approach it from a scientific angle. That means logging and tweaking each experiment. This is what I used to do:

• Writing down my field reports of what happened (in a private journal)
• Writing down how many approaches I did
• Writing down what went well that time?
• Writing down what went wrong? Where did I lose the girl?
• Writing down what I can do to prevent that from happening in the future?

If you are having troubles coming with a game plan, just ask me and I should be able to help you out. I’m always available for personal consultations, like over the phone or in person.

I really hope this was useful to you. Trust me, do these exercises and, over time, it will really help take your game to the next level.

If you try to kiss the girl when her friends are around, you will get rejected MOST of the time. Even if she likes you a lot, most of the time she will still reject you. Especi ally girls who are part of a big group. The reason is that women do not want to be perceived as “too easy” or “slutty.” Kissing in front of friends makes them look like that.

From my experience, you can sometimes get away with it with girls who come in pairs (2-sets). Even then, your best move still to isolate and then try to kiss when the friend isn’t around.

Now, do not think that when you have the kiss of death happen to you that the interaction is over. A lot of guys think that if the girl rejects you when you try to initiate the kiss, it’s game over. It’s actually the opposite. It shows you have cojones (balls if you like) and go for things you want, which are attractive. The exception is when she rejects you hard like “WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU DIRTY HAMSTER?” but then it’s not the kiss of death that killed it, the setup was wrong! When you get something like that, she was just friendly and not attracted. The fix? Work on your attraction game and make sure you’re physically escalating up to the kiss.

Whenever you initiate the kiss, unknowingly in front of her friends or not, and she resists, simply smile and say “I understand your friends are here” (credit The Don), act like it was no big deal, and start talking about something else. Later on try again (make sure her friends aren’t around) and then try again. You’ll see the kiss of death is a thing of the past then.

On a superficial level, no girl is out of your league. Just because a girl is extremely beautiful, that doesn’t mean that you can’t get her. When it comes to dating, meaning over a longer period of time seeing each other, I would say there is some sort of “league.”

Generally people tend to date within their socio-economic status. There is research to back this up (google it if you want). Like it was said earlier, a super model will not date a burger-flipper at McDonalds. If a woman is used to dating wealthy men, guess what…she will end up dating MOST of the time a wealthy man.

Based on just the looks of a woman, you cannot tell what her socio-economic status is. I’ve dated hot girls who were really poor (typical in Los Angeles lol) and I’ve dated hot girls who were well off. You won’t know her lifestyle until you actually go out with her and date her for a bit. Whenever you first meet a girl and take her home the same day/night, socio-economic status plays no role at all. Once you two get more serious, then it does.

One girl I met was used to dating really wealthy men. When we started dating more, she started to complain to me how she was used to going on far trips, having a limo drive her everywhere, guys paying for gifts, etc. With my current income I couldn’t sustain her lifestyle so naturally we don’t date anymore. Last time I checked my Facebook, she is still living the glamor lifestyle she is so used too.

What is interesting is that we would sleep with each other once a while even though she was dating other guys. Why? Because these guys could play the “provider” for her while I could be the “sex-worthy” guy for her, but in the end it wasn’t good enough to keep her around. That’s the reality. I could have said that I was sick and tired of her BS, but the reality is she was used to having this extravagant lifestyle that I couldn’t offer her. I could offer her good sex, but not the lifestyle. And as we all know, relationships based on just sex don’t last forever.

On the other side, within social circle situations and situations where you have to take girls out on several dates, socio-economic status does play a bigger role because the woman can size you up over a longer period of time and see if you two are “compatible” that way.

If you meet a girl who is used to going on fancy and expensive dinner dates, you want to make sure your date gives off the same idea/vibe. Taking her to a college sports bar will make you lose points. That doesn’t mean your date has to be expensive too, but it will have to be a bit more classier.

So does money get women? Indirectly, yes. Money won’t get you women directly, but it gets you in the door. When it comes to dating hot girls, most of the time it’s about access. You need to be at places where they are. A lot. This is where money can be of great help, because it can buy you access to places. Most simplified example is bottle service. Some exclusive clubs require that you have bottle service or you won’t get in. Guess what….at those clubs are also the more desirable women. So yes, money does help INDIRECTLY getting hot girls. if you have the money to buy yourself access to places where hot women are, and you add Love Systems skills on top of that, you’ll be MONEY! :-)

There are always exceptions, but generally people do date within their socio-economic status. So learning Love Systems skills is one way to go to play a better league. If you can add a good career and an interesting lifestyle on top of that, you will live the life of a playboy.

My point is, no matter how beautiful the woman is and what your socio-economic status is, you can still get “that” girl. Even if you don’t make that much money, you can still pick up beautiful women with the right skills. Money becomes an issue when you and her are getting really serious, like in exchanging social circles and moving in together. Even then, if you two really love each other it shouldn’t be a huge obstacle.

One of my close friends isn’t making that much money. He just graduated college and is working a 9-5 office job, but he is dating a really beautiful and successful girl. I would date her myself if he didn’t meet her before me. She is a pretty successful CPA and makes way more money than my friend does, but she is still dating him despite their socio-economic difference. In fact, they are looking into moving in together soon.

Don’t let your annual income situation hold you back from approaching beautiful women. I used to be in that situation a couple years ago. I was a broke college student, drove a shitty car, but every week I would go out and meet the hottest girls I could find. I’ve dated beautiful girls even though I was broke. Like I said earlier, some girls even broke up with me because of my tight money situation. No big deal, because I know that there are many more girls out there just as beautiful as her. I’ve also met girls who didn’t make that big of a deal out it, and they are the majority.

Now of course you can improve your odds of consistently dating beautiful women if you become more successful yourself. I really fixed my own money situation. I started to work full-time, bought a nicer car, and made more money. For social circles, this was the perfect image to have (your image is really important in social circle game). For girls I was seriously dating for a bit, I could do more fun things with them. If you can expand your green zone then you’ll have a bigger probability of dating beautiful girls. Despite that, don’t let your money situation hold you back from approaching and dating extremely beautiful women.

It wasn’t until recently when I was taking a shower that it hit me why commonalities are important. The real force behind commonalities is that when you see someone else have something you also have in common, it reinforces the beliefs and decisions you’ve made are good.

I repeat: Commonalities reinforce the beliefs and decisions you’ve made are good.

Just think about it. If you are an activist for green energy and you meet someone who is also into that, you will feel (subconsciously) that you have made the right decision to be a green energy activist, because you see someone is what you are. It’s very validating to see that, especially if the belief, lifestyle, or occupation, etc, is a big part of your life. The bigger the role it plays in your life, the more validating it is when you meet someone who shares that aspect of your life.

When I was in London, fellow Love Systems instructor sheriff and I were talking about women and our preferences. One thing that struck me was when he said (paraphrased): “When I meet a girl who is a third culture kid, it is game over. I’m all over her.” Not so surprisingly, sheriff is a third culture kid himself (someone brought up in one or many environments that weren’t their own culture). Compare that to meeting a girl that is from the same city you are from. It’s not as validating, right?

My point is, when it is a big commonality it’s very validating to see someone else who shares that with you. You instantly connect with that person because you know there are so many things you guys have in share; same beliefs, same decisions, similar life experiences, and so on. You can make someone feel this validation too by trying to find (impactful) commonalities. The easiest way is by playing the “question game”. Just make sure you fire off the right questions, which Braddock has a huge list of questions for the question game.

You can dig for commonalities for building comfort and rapport with girls you want to date, but you can do it the wrong way too by either getting into “interview mode” (asking many questions back-to-back when it’s not part of the question game) or getting in the friend zone (having too much rapport with no escalation). The former is what I see a lot. You see it back with guys who aren’t aware of Love Systems and try to pickup women. Right off the bat of the conversation they will try to dig deep with the girl to see if he has any commonalities.

“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?
“What’s your favorite movie/tv show/color/X?”
And so on…..

As soon as the girl answers his question, the guy will try to see if he and she have something in common. If they do, then the guy bought himself a couple more seconds. If not, he will usually fire off another question to find commonalities.

In a lot of cases if the guy and the girl have something remotely in common, the guy will throw it out there but most of the time it won’t score points.

Guy: “Where are you from?”
Girl: “I’m from Santa Monica”
Guy: “No way….I have a friend who lives there.”

WHO CARES YOU HAVE A FRIEND WHO LIVES THERE TOO?

I see this type of dialogue week in, week out. In most cases this type of dialogue will bore girls. One thing Future always says is that boredom is one of the kryptonites for attraction. To avoid the typical interview mode try to mix statements with questions. Every question can be restated as an statement. Instead of asking “where are you from?” you can say “You look like you’re from the Mid-west, because you’re so friendly.” Whether I’m right or wrong, she will let me know where she’s from. This is what we call a cold-read. If I’m right, I seem intuitive and I’m “in.” If I’m wrong, she will let me know where she is from. Win-win.

Trying to build (too many) commonalities before the girl is attracted is a fast ticket to boredom and friend-zone planet. That’s why within the Love Systems Triad Model, in the emotional progression you see that attraction comes before comfort. That’s also why I advocate using the question game mid-way in the conversation when you know the girl is attracted to you.

Before you start building commonalities with a girl, she should be first attracted to you. If she is not attracted to you, most of the time she will not want to invest in the conversation. Especially not building commonalities, that should be saved for later on. If want to know how to build attraction with women (and how to get started with dating more beautiful women), I highly suggest you pick up a copy of Magic Bullets.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Thanh Bonsai, Thanh Bonsai. Thanh Bonsai said: New blog! The Real Force Behind Building Commonalities http://bit.ly/bxiKyM [...]

Though you are right on the statement that it reinforces the beliefs and decisions part, you are forgetting A LOT. I don’t mean to insult you dude, but honestly, you’re an instructor and it seems like you’re not that knowledgeable about the psychology of girls (which is obviously what the methods are about).

Example: If I broke my leg, and I’m wearing a cast, and I find a girl in the same situation, I would value her. Obviously not because it reinforces that my beliefs and decisions are correct…

It’s because I have someone else to talk to it about and share my pain. Though this was a shitty example for game, it still applies to it. There are SO MANY MORE ways somebody will value another person through commonalities, not just reinforcing that I was right about certain things.

Earlier I wrote about how I like using foursquare to pick venues to meet girls. The next step is using actually using foursquare to talk to girls. That happened to me last week.

Around the Love Systems office is a coffee shop I always go to get an everything bagel with egg. It’s my favorite breakfast / lunch food there. As I walk in, I see a gorgeous girl sitting by herself reading a newspaper. I’m not really established yet in that coffee shop where I have social proof I can use to meet women.

To be honest, I was a little hesitant to approach her. I’m barely awake, she is the first stranger I talk to, I had to go back to work before Savoy breathes down my neck, and I was basically being a chicken. The first girl you want to meet in the daytime is always the hardest one. Once you’ve talked to that one, the other ones following are easy. This girl also didn’t give me any eye contact to make it a lukewarm approach so this was a real cold approach.

So there I was, chickening out whether I should talk to her. What do I do ? The bad move: I get my phone and start checking Twitter and email. That’s the last thing you want to do before you do an approach. Don’t get yourself in an thinking state.

So I fire up foursquare on my iPhone and start checking in. Lo and behold, I can see that one person is checked in the same coffee shop I’m in. Maybe it was faith, but it was the girl I was hesitant to approach! The game gods wanted me to talk to her.

Whenever you check-in on foursquare, you can see the first name of every person and the first initial of the last name. With that knowledge, I knew had to approach this girl.

Me: Hey Dana.

Her: Huh? Do I know you?

Me: No you actually don’t, but I saw on foursquare that you’re checked in here. So I thought I’d talk to you while I wait for my bagel.

Her: Wow I can’t believe this.

Me: Yeah I know. Whoever thought foursquare could help charming single guys meet girls.

Her: [laughter]

Me: I’m Thanh btw.

Her: Well you know my name already. [shake hands]

Me: What is it that you’re reading about?

And off we go into our conversation. I knew that if I didn’t go talk to her, I would regret it. One thing Braddock always says on bootcamp is: rejection weighs ounces, regret weighs tons. I’ll take rejection over regret any time of the day. That’s easy to say in hindsight, but I cannot stress this enough.

I don’t want to ponder whether I should have talked to that girl. Or what if I should have done X or Y. What I do know is that the girl could have been my next girlfriend. Who knows. You won’t know till you have talked to the girl.

How I Picked Up A Girl Using Foursquare is a post from Thanh Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach

Before I settle down with one girl, I want to make sure that I have the most compatible girl and she is someone I can see myself with for a long period of time. Now to get to that point, I first have to know what I want and need in a girl.

This something my buddy Future talks a lot about. Know what you want in a girl. But how do you know what you want in a girl? By dating a lot of different women.

Taste and preferences change over periods of time. One year you might want brunettes, a couple months later you prefer blonds. You want to settle with a girl that you’re physically attracted to (of course). Does hair color play a deciding factor for someone you want to date long-term? Not really. For you to find out what you want and need in a girl long-term you have date a lot of different girls.

By d ating I me an seeing a girl for a longer period of time and you have a strong emotional connection with her. That doesn’t mean that you’re girlfriend and boyfriend…but it could heading there.

This is what I’ve learned from having casual relationships (besides the golden rule of friends with benefits). After each girl you date, your column of “want in a girl” and “don’t want in a girl” becomes longer and longer.

For guys who have never dated a girl before, those two columns are based on zero experience. That’s fine. If you’re one of them, make sure that you learn Love Systems and start dating girls (fastest way is to take a bootcamp). For you who have had a couple relationships, this list is probably a couple items long. My advice to you guys is similar: start dating more women.

I want you to be at a point where you know what the dating has to offer and you really know what you want in a girl for a long-term relationship. I remember when Nick Savoy told me how he stopped dating other women and stuck with his current girlfriend. He said: “I know what’s out there and I think I found someone who has it all…” (paraphrased). In fact, he just blogged about that in his post commitmentphobia, choice and relationships.

I can’t stress this enough. The more girls you date, the more you will discover what type of girl you REALLY want. Your wants and needs are based on real (past) experiences. Not something imaginary.

Also by dating more and different types of girls, you can compare girls with each other and figure out what you need to put in your “wants” and “don’t wants” columns.

Let me give you an analogy with car buying. Imagine you’re in a position where money is not an issue and you want to find the perfect car for yourself. What do you do? You’re going to test drive every single car you ever have wanted to get, from Mercedes to Ferrari to Lamborghini and so on.

If you just test drive a bunch of Mercedes cars and think you found the perfect car, you’re wrong. You can’t really say that unless you have tried out all the different brands and models. You might like the steering in a BMW M5 but you like the interior of a Ferrari. So your quest continues until you’ve find that car who has everything you want.

The same ideas applies to find that perfect girl. If you have good Love Systems skills (unlimited money) and want the perfect girl (car) you need to date different types of girls (test drive different cars).

Too many guys nowadays just settle with the first girl they can get. It makes me cringe every single time I see it happening. Most of the time those relationships don’t work out. There’s a reason why divorce rates are so high.

NOTE: One good natural side effect of dating a lot of different girls is that your qualification skills become a lot better over time. You start screening girls better and that’s because you genuinely know what you want in a girl.

All in all, don’t just settle with the first girl you get. Go out, explore the dating pool, and enjoy the journey of finding that one special girl.

Play The Field Before You Settle Down is a post from Thanh Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach

You learn the tricks of the trade on how to become a guy that is attractive to women. Plus, you know how to connect with women and eventually start a relationship. After taking a bootcamp myself with Love Systems, helping out on Love Systems bootcamps and eventually turning instructor, I noticed a few things on how you can get the most out of a bootcamp. Here are 10 tips for getting most out of a Love Systems bootcamp.

1. Do some approaches before taking a bootcamp. The more field experience you have, the more you will get out of a bootcamp. If you still have approach anxiety (you are afraid approaching women), try to get it under control as soon as possible. Start approaching women till you feel like you have your approach anxiety under a controllable feeling. My estimate is that a couple hundred approaches are sufficient to be able to approach most women.

If you have approach anxiety before taking the bootcamp, do not worry. At the end of the bootcamp, you should have very small levels of approach anxiety. You will get taught how to get rid of approach anxiety as much as possible. It never goes away, but you can learn to control it and not let affect your game.

2. Study before bootcamp. It’s not a requirement to have read any dating material. Over the course of three days, you will all the information you need to successfully attract and date beautiful women.

If you have studied beforehand, like reading Magic Bullets and Routines Manual, and you know and understand most of the concepts then the teaching at the bootcamp will make more sense. You will still learn a lot of new things but material will click faster if you’ve studied beforehand.

3. Get rested. We don’t call it “bootcamp” for nothing. You will be emotionally, physically, and mentally drained at the end of the third day. During the day you will take a lot of notes, concentrate, do exercises, and you will go out too picking up girls! While this is fun it is also very intensive and it requires a lot of energy. That is why you want to be complete rested before you attend your bootcamp. If you’re coming from another city, arrive at the bootcamp city a day before.

4. Take notes. This may seem obvious, but write as many notes as you can. Don’t just listen and absorb the information, even if you hear information you might already know. After the bootcamp you have material you can reference. You won’t be able to go back to a bootcamp (unless you’re willing to pay for it of course), so have those notes written down. I still go over my bootcamp notes once a while.

5. Tell your instructor what your level of game is. It doesn’t matter how good you are already, even advanced guys go to bootcamps to elevate their game. But to get better feedback, let your instructors know what your level of game is.

Your answers to these questions are very useful for instructors so they can give you REALLY GOOD feedback.

6. Ask questions. A bootcamp is a life changing experience and you’ve paid a lot of money for it. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to instructors no matter how stupid you think it is. Every student is there for the same reason: to improve their dating life. So don’t be ashamed to ask questions. Instructors are there to help YOU.

7. After your infield sessions write down all your thoughts. You will get live feedback from instructors and also at the end of the night. Try to remember as much as possible. Before you go to sleep write all your ideas, thoughts, and feedback down while they are still fresh. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not, just write down what is going through your mind. Writing will reinforce your ideas and thoughts. Then the next day, the bootcamp will start with a debrief and evaluation of the previous night. Take your notes out that you have written down before you went to sleep. Discuss them with the class and the instructors.

8. Make friends and find wingmen. Having a good wingman is convenient and makes your game so much better too. He can run interference, occupying people, motivate you, and give feedback. Sadly, good wingmen are hard to find. Fortunately, your fellow bootcamp comrades are the perfect candidates to become your wing. You guys went through the same experience, have the same goals, and studied the same material. Make friends with the buddies at bootcamp because you guys can be each other’s wingman!

9. Go out with your wingmen. This goes back to the previous point. Taking a bootcamp is just the beginning of self-improvement. What’s the point of taking a bootcamp if you will not implement the teachings? The majority of the work is up to you. The bootcamp is merely a weekend of learning and showing you the tools and techniques. So go out and practice what you have learned with your fellow bootcamp comrades. In fact, Jeremy Soul also said that having a good wingman will help your game more than anything after a workshop.

10. Lounge Access
As part of attending a Love Systems bootcamp you will get exclusive access to the Lounge. It’s a private only for Love Systems instructors and people who have taken a bootcamp. That way you are guaranteed to get advice from people who know what they are talking about. Instructors post daily their latest ideas and tips. Plus it’s full of content (dating back to 2004!) that you will not find anywhere else.

If you haven’t been following me on Twitter, feel free to add me here. Once a while I share pictures, insider secrets of Love Systems, and dating tips you can use right away. If you’ve been reading my reviews of my coaching you can read that I share a ton of gold nuggets. So subscribe to my Twitter for more nuggets :)

If you’re an avid user of Twitter and/or Facebook, you might have seen those status updates of people sharing where they exactly are. No, I don’t mean the ones like “I’m at Coachella! It’s amazing!!!! Love the people here. I’m about to trip…..” but those semi-automated ones. Like the one above of mine recently.

If you are unfamiliar with social location sharing, check out this video of Kevin Rose (the guy behind Digg). Basically on your mobile phone, if you have an app like foursquare installed, it can pull up the venue / store / restaurant you are at based on your current location. Also, it plays the social media game, so you can add friends and if they use it you can actually see where they are. Also, you can checkout venues and see which users are there. Check out the video below to see understand what social location sharing is.

Now this is an interesting idea. Before you go out, you can actually check out the venue to see if hot girls are there, if the ratio is good, or check if you’re friends are there (yet). The possibilities are almost countless. I first ran across this idea when I read this post by the G Manifesto (subscribe to his blog, it’s awesome). Gotta give credit where it’s due. I won’t discuss the disadvantages of social location sharing, especially when you have stalkers (that’s why you don’t want to date strippers long-term, a lot of them are crazy and stalkers)! But overall, I’m totally for this new movement of location sharing.

I’m a big user of foursquare. You can follow me on Twitter and kind of see where I am. Before you know it, we might be in the same coffee shop! Whenever I go out, sometimes people do recognize me and say hi to me. That’s cool! Now I’m waiting for someone to say, “Hey Bonsai I saw on twitter that you were here tonight, so I had to come over and meet you!” while I’m trying to talk to a beautiful girl :-). That would be awesome for multiple reasons.

There are only two economic concepts that I find useful today. Besides understanding supply and demand, the concept of sunk cost is another one that stuck with me.

According to Business Dictionary, this is the definition of sunk cost:

Money already spent and permanently lost. Sunk costs are past opportunity costs that are partially (as salvage, if any) or totally irretrievable and, therefore, should be considered irrelevant to future decision making.

In other words, if you have put a lot of time and effort into something that is a cost you cannot bring back. In the book Making Great Decisions in Business and Life one of the tips they give on making better decisions is understanding the concept of sunk cost before you make a decision.

One thing the author says is that just because you have put in a lot of investment into something that is non-recoverable, that should not affect how you make your future decisions.

The example they give in the book is where a guy started a new business. He put a lot of personal time and money into the business, but it is losing money in the first couple of years. He is aware that he cannot sustain the business but he keeps it going because already put so much of himself into it.

Is that a good decision? He is losing money after all, but he argues “I’ve put so much money into it, I can’t walk away now.” The entrepreneur reasons that if he quits now, his previous investments is all lost. However, that is not the case. The business has already lost its initial investment. That’s a fact. It’s a thing of the past. It is sunk cost.

Making decisions are future-looking. So looking at the past losses should not affect the decision you are making right now. It is not relevant. Now apply the same concept of sunk cost to dating and relationships.

You shouldn’t let past investment levels in women affect how you go forward in your pursuit of a woman or relationship. For example, let’s say you met a girl and you two really like each other. You’ve been on a couple dates, paid for all of them, you’ve spent hours talking on the phone, and weeks have gone by. However, you two have not slept with each other yet so there is no real relationship yet.

Then she starts to become flaky and she is not reciprocating as much as she used to. You send her text messages but she responds to every other text. You call her once a while, she never picks up but once a while randomly calls you.

Should you still pursue her? I would say no. Put her on the slow track and start focusing on other women.

However, most guys will do the opposite and start chasing EVEN MORE. They can’t see what a bad lead is and because they have put in so much emotions, time, money, and effort into getting the girl, it is hard for guys to walk away from the girl. “I cannot walk away right now, I’ve put in too much to stop getting this girl now.”

Recognize the proble m? These past investment levels are sunk cost. Just because you’ve paid $250 on dates and spent hours on the phone, that should not affect your decision if you want to keep pursuing this woman. In the military they talk about “the facts on the ground,” whenever they want to make a (strategic) move. In other words, you want to look at the current situation and make a decision based on that. Not on what happened in the past.

Another common situation is when a guy just got out of a long-term relationship. The guy will reason that because he has so many shared experiences with the girl, money spent, some form of collateral, and so on, that he should stick to the girl.

WRONG.

Sunk cost. What’s in the past, is in the past. Of course that is easier said than done. As humans we value things a lot more once we have put investment into it. In the book Influence, which I highly recommend, the author talks commitment and consistency. The more work we for something, the more we value it. As time goes by and levels of investment goes up, we really dislike to lose something where we have a high level of investment level of. That’s one of the realms of breaking up; you “lose” all that investment you put into a person.

I just hope you can now think rationally now that you understand the concept of sunk cost before you make decision in your love life. Like Nick Savoy, an avid board game player, would say, “Play the board as it is, not how you want it to be.” Look at the current situation and make your decision based on that. Whether that is for your love life or not. You will be better off once you factor sunk costs in your decision making.

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