Are you going to Ad:Tech San Francisco?
I’m going to be in San Francisco from Monday till Wednesday for ad:tech. I would love to meet everyone who is going to be there and reads my blog. Free dating advice, crazy stories, and beer with yours truly :)
You can email me and we’ll get in touch, or leave a comment behind.
Social Proof and Social Circle Game
I’ve been working on my social circle game for the last couple months. One of the reasons I got into exclusive parties was because of social circle game. My goal is to always keep expanding my social circle and meeting people that I can bring value to and they can bring value to me. One of the great things I like about social circle game is that you can work multiple girls at the same time. I will explain that here in depth.
First I want you to understand how a social circle works. Imagine a social circle as a pyramid. See image below.
Every social circle has the “top dogs.” These are the guys that are the most popular (oftentimes also most outgoing or wealthy) and the women are the most attractive. That’s where you want to be and most of the time, women in the green area will only date the men in the green area.
There is also a bottom where these people are exactly the opposite of the top dogs. Not popular, most of them don’t know the top dogs very well, or are new to the social circle. This is not where you want to be.
Whenever you enter a new social circle, it would be best if you come in right in through the top. Majority of time, that is not going to happen. Most likely you will get somewhere in the middle or you get in at the bottom. That’s fine because you can always work your way up to the top. That might take awhile, but it is possible. (On a related note, always accept the first invite whenever you want to get into a social circle.)
The basic idea is, you always want to get as high in the social circle as possible. The higher you are, the more women will be attracted to you and the more women you will date in that social circle. Now that doesn’t mean you need to get to the green area of every social circle. There could be tons of beautiful women who are not the top dogs. That’s great as long you are higher up in the social circle than they are.
One of the attraction switches in Magic Bullets is status. Status in a social circle means that you are up high in the social circle. Or at least, she perceives you as higher up in the social circle than herself. That’s the basics of attraction: she perceives you as higher value than herself.
Now that you understand the basics of social circles, another concept I want you to understand is social proof. In short, if a group of people think you are awesome, others will assume you are awesome. I had a pickup where I explained how you can use social proof in day game to meet women. I suggest you read that first before you continue with the rest of the post.
You are also probably familiar with social proofing a venue. If not, read this post by Dubbsy, fellow Love Systems dating coach, on social proof as part of one-night stands. With social proof you can get a lot of women attracted to you. However, it gets limited to just one girl if you go for one-night stands. Even though you have all these women in the venue attracted to you, at the end of the night there is only one girl you can take home.
It works differently if that night you go for setting up dates. Since you have all that social proof built up and girls are attracted to you, you can just setup dates with a lot of girls. If you’re smart, you do that and then take one girl home that night. Win-win! You have setup a lot of dates and took a girl home. But that’s another worthy post.
Back to the point of this post. When you have social proofed a venue, then the venue is like a mini social circle where you are on top of of the social circle. However, at the end of the night that social circle disappears and so does your value.
You can apply the same idea of social proofing a venue to social circles where you work multiple women at the same time except that you can lock-in your value. Like I said earlier, with social proof in venues you will eventually lose all that value. However, in social circles, value gains are locked in because you will most likely see that person again. So if a girl in a social circle first meets you, she sees that you’re awesome because you have social proof, and then when you guys part ways, she will still think you’re awesome next time you guys see each other again.
That’s the great thing about social circles. You can slowly build your value over time and lock it in. So let’s say you come in at the bottom, you can work your way to the top like the diagram below shows.
Let’s say when you entered a social circle, you came in at the yellow bar. That means that all the women below that yellow bar, will be attracted to you (in simple terms). You can date these women. However, remember what I said earlier: the higher you are in the social circle, the more and hotter women will get attracted to you.
A couple months go by and you have befriended everyone in that social circle. As you get more well known and popular in the social circle, you climb up in that social circle. Now you might be at the purple bar. As you go up, more women will get attracted to you. Now you can date the women who are in the purple area AND the yellow area.
Now this is the main point of this post. As you build your value up in a social circle, all these women who find out about you will become attracted to you. With social circle game you can work multiple women at the same time. When you work on one or two girls as part of building social proof, other girls will eventually find out about you. So the effects of social proof is magnified and spread around like malaria in Africa. By just working on one person and with its positive perception it will be echoed to tons of people in the social circle.
Let’s say you are at the bottom of the social circle. At one party, people see you flirting with one of the top dog girls and she is all over you. Guess what? That’s going to have (massive) effect on all the other girls in the social circle.
Social proof in social circle is so much more powerful than in cold approach. That’s one of the reason I love social circle game. If you put in the effort and have patience, at some point you will date A LOT of women without much effort. The work in the beginning is hard but it will pay off once you become established in a social circle, because then you can pick the women YOU want to date.
I’m sure you still have questions left, like “how do I build social proof in a social circle”, “how do I enter the top of a social circle”, and so on. These are all gems taught at the Social Circle Mastery seminar (DVD is coming out this summer) that Braddock and Mr M came up with.
Definitely check out this video of Braddock where he talks about “buzz” (essentially social proof in social circle). He gives some tips and tricks there.
For more of his college game videos (that apply to social circle game too), check out the college game thread on TAF. He gives away a lot of tips there that will help you with your social circle game!
The point is, with social circle game you don’t have to worry about one girl. You can game multiple girls at the same time and reap the benefits later on.
Social Proof and Social Circle Game is a post from Thanh Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach
Sunk Cost Applied to Dating and Relationships
When I was in college I was a Finance major. I love numbers and mathematical models. However, economics was never my favorite class. Many of the microeconomics topics never really interested me and let’s not even get started on macroeconomics. I’m more of a practical guy. Feed me information I can use today.
There are only two economic concepts that I find useful today. Besides understanding supply and demand, the concept of sunk cost is another one that stuck with me.
According to Business Dictionary, this is the definition of sunk cost:
Money already spent and permanently lost. Sunk costs are past opportunity costs that are partially (as salvage, if any) or totally irretrievable and, therefore, should be considered irrelevant to future decision making.
In other words, if you have put a lot of time and effort into something that is a cost you cannot bring back. In the book Making Great Decisions in Business and Life one of the tips they give on making better decisions is understanding the concept of sunk cost before you make a decision.
One thing the author says is that just because you have put in a lot of investment into something that is non-recoverable, that should not affect how you make your future decisions.
The example they give in the book is where a guy started a new business. He put a lot of personal time and money into the business, but it is losing money in the first couple of years. He is aware that he cannot sustain the business but he keeps it going because already put so much of himself into it.
Is that a good decision? He is losing money after all, but he argues “I’ve put so much money into it, I can’t walk away now.” The entrepreneur reasons that if he quits now, his previous investments is all lost. However, that is not the case. The business has already lost its initial investment. That’s a fact. It’s a thing of the past. It is sunk cost.
Making decisions are future-looking. So looking at the past losses should not affect the decision you are making right now. It is not relevant. Now apply the same concept of sunk cost to dating and relationships.
You shouldn’t let past investment levels in women affect how you go forward in your pursuit of a woman or relationship. For example, let’s say you met a girl and you two really like each other. You’ve been on a couple dates, paid for all of them, you’ve spent hours talking on the phone, and weeks have gone by. However, you two have not slept with each other yet so there is no real relationship yet.
Then she starts to become flaky and she is not reciprocating as much as she used to. You send her text messages but she responds to every other text. You call her once a while, she never picks up but once a while randomly calls you.
Should you still pursue her? I would say no. Put her on the slow track and start focusing on other women.
However, most guys will do the opposite and start chasing EVEN MORE. They can’t see what a bad lead is and because they have put in so much emotions, time, money, and effort into getting the girl, it is hard for guys to walk away from the girl. “I cannot walk away right now, I’ve put in too much to stop getting this girl now.”
Recognize the proble m? These past investment levels are sunk cost. Just because you’ve paid $250 on dates and spent hours on the phone, that should not affect your decision if you want to keep pursuing this woman. In the military they talk about “the facts on the ground,” whenever they want to make a (strategic) move. In other words, you want to look at the current situation and make a decision based on that. Not on what happened in the past.
Another common situation is when a guy just got out of a long-term relationship. The guy will reason that because he has so many shared experiences with the girl, money spent, some form of collateral, and so on, that he should stick to the girl.
WRONG.
Sunk cost. What’s in the past, is in the past. Of course that is easier said than done. As humans we value things a lot more once we have put investment into it. In the book Influence, which I highly recommend, the author talks commitment and consistency. The more work we for something, the more we value it. As time goes by and levels of investment goes up, we really dislike to lose something where we have a high level of investment level of. That’s one of the realms of breaking up; you “lose” all that investment you put into a person.
I just hope you can now think rationally now that you understand the concept of sunk cost before you make decision in your love life. Like Nick Savoy, an avid board game player, would say, “Play the board as it is, not how you want it to be.” Look at the current situation and make your decision based on that. Whether that is for your love life or not. You will be better off once you factor sunk costs in your decision making.
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Partying with Paris Hilton and Victoria Secret Angels
A little update on what is going on with me. This blog hasn’t been updated for a period of time. For good reasons. I’ve been working really hard behind the scenes on getting things done to improve my overall quality of life.
As you could read in my post on goals for 2010 I have a lot of things I want to achieve. The overarching idea is to always improve my quality of life and part of that is improving and expanding your social circle. One tip I always advocate is to accept the first invitation to any event. You can even take it a step further and always say YES to everything like in the movie “Yes Man” with Jim Carrey. Well…that might be a little too much.
The last 2 weeks or so have been crazy. First I got in at a private Victoria Secret party where 3 VS angels were there. I had a chance to talk to Alessandra Ambrosio and Miranda Kerr, but not Candice Swanepoel. I didn’t recognize Candice since I didn’t know she was a VS Angel. I should have talked to her. Maybe another time. There were tons of other celebrities at the party, including guys from Entourage, MTV presenters, and A-list actors. My biggest surprise was when I saw Paris Hilton. In real life, she looks really hot. I grabbed my opportunity to talk to her for a little bit by going direct on her (pretending I didn’t know her) and have a few minutes of conversation before the entourage invaded. Below is a clip where you see me partying with her.
The next day I went to San Diego for one night to network with some people at a marketing conference. Daxx and Dubbsy were there too so it was good to hangout with them outside LA. I really like San Diego. Even though was there for maybe 20 hours, I had the chance to see the nightlife briefly and Saturday morning. Tons of beautiful girls and I got the vibe the city gave off. I’m definitely going back there for a weekend to see what else the city has to offer.
Right after the networking and presentations at the marketing conference I flew to Las Vegas to party with some friends that Saturday night. Jeremy Soul (I did my first vlog with him) and Jesse Starlight were in town too (they did a day game workshop that weekend). A personal friend of mine hooked us up at the new club Haze where we had the best table (near the dance floor and DJ). It was one of the best parties I’ve been to in my life. One of my friend’s friends, he flew in about 90 girls to party with us that night. Yeah…it was that crazy. 13+ bottles, many energy drinks, a playmate, and an exotic dancer later, that’s when the night ended and morning came for me. On the right is a picture with Starlight and some of the girls we partied with.
The good thing about those 3 epic days in a row? I recorded all three days on film! I’m in the middle editing it so it will be out soon. It will showcase you how awesome the three days were. This blog post cannot describe it. One thing these days made me realize is how important social circle game is. If you apply everything you learn from Social Circle Mastery (DVD coming out soon!) it will literally change your life for the better. That’s how I got in the Victoria Secret party, expanded my social circle with successful people, improve my own quality of life, and so much more.
The next weekend, which just passed as of writing, I was at a wedding with Jeremy Soul. One of Jeremy’s cousins got married. One of the reasons I wanted to go was because Jeremy’s cousin is Sri Lankan and she was marrying a Caucasian guy. In fact, the wedding has two ceremonies (one Hindu, one Christian) so it was great to see the different cultures. Also, because it was an interracial marriage, I wanted to talk to other people at the wedding about it. It was all to expand my own horizon and knowledge on interracial dating, which is something my blog is going to cover more in the near future.
That wraps up my last two weeks. It was fun, crazy, hectic, and eye opening. Just like how one should live every day. Now I’m getting back on the blogging track.
Partying with Paris Hilton and Victoria Secret Angels is a post from Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach
Related posts:
Do Caucasian / White Girls Like Asian Guys?
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: I get this question a lot from my fellow Asian brothers. So I’m going to tackle this question to the bone and be prepared to face some cold hard truth.
Some Caucasian girls will never date an Asian guy. They might have their own reasons for that, like they simply aren’t attracted to Asian guys, religion, family views, etc. Then you will have a group of white girls who will ONLY date Asian guys. They simply love the idea that they are dating an Asian guy and want nothing else. Yes they do exist.
However, majority of Caucasian girls have never dated an Asian guy before. Whenever I’m dating a Caucasian girl, I hear the same phrase a lot: “You’re my first Asian guy.”
You can reflect that group of girls in a bell curve, just like I did in my post where I explained you will not get every girl. I want you read that post first before you continue with this article. It will make you understand this article a lot better.
The idea is that some girls will never date you, but a lot of girls will. Accept this reality. Just look at your own preferences. There are certain types of girls you will never date, but there are also types of girls you will always go for. Then there’s a group of girls you might want to date, but perhaps have never experienced before.
Same idea applies to women on how they view dating guys.
Like for myself, I will never date a African-American girl with a very dark skin tone. I’m simply not attracted to them. On the other hand, I’m very much attracted to Caucasian women. In the middle there’s a huge pool of skin tones and types of girls I would date. For example, I haven’t dated an Indian girl yet but I’m open to the idea.
Now look at the bell curve below to see what I mean.
There’s a small group of women that will never date Asian guys. That’s the red-zone. Whenever you encounter one of those, just move on. There’s no need to waste time.
On the other end is the group of women who’s preferences is to date Asian guys. That’s the green-zone. If you meet one of those, you’re in luck!
The majority of girls is going to be in the middle (gray-zone). These girls might have not dated an Asian guy before, but would be open to do so. This is where you will need to be a little bit better than the average Asian guy to get these girls. In other words, read this blog and learn some Love Systems teachings and you’re already way ahead of the majority.
An interesting side-tangent. You or some other Asian guy should be thanking me if you end up dating the same girl I’ve dated. Why? Simply because once a Caucasian girl has dated an Asian guy before and the relationship was good, she is more likely to date an Asian guy in the future. The first Asian guy for a Caucasian girl will set the precedence of how likely that same Caucasian girl will date another Asian guy.
So if the first Asian guy was starstruck, other Asian brothers are in luck. Otherwise we might have some work left to do. That doesn’t mean that if the first relationship was bad, that the future is all dark and bad. It just means that the next Asian guy will have be a little better than the previous guy.
That’s why when I ask a girl if she has dated an Asian guy before and she says yes, I know that dating her is going to be fairly easy compared to a girl who has never dated an Asian guy before. The guy before me had to go through all the hoops and break down barriers of having her date an Asian guy. That includes family issues, friends, and so on.
Here’s a legitimate hottie, Megan Fox, saying that she would love to date Rain (Asian pop star). She is a prime example of a gray-zone girl. Never dated an Asian, but willing to do so.
If I had to summarize this post, it would be this: Some Caucasian will not ever date an Asian guy. Some girls will only date ONLY Asian guys. Most white girls have not dated an Asian guy before but are willing to date one. They are the majority.
So yes, Caucasian / white girls do like Asian guys.
Do Caucasian / White Girls Like Asian Guys? is a post from Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach
3 Things I Learned from Jeremy Soul
Day game expert Jeremy Soul stayed at my place for a week. In the midst of his successful US tour I had a chance to pick his brain for a week. As I showed you before in my first vlog being around another like minded person really gives you the chance to pick up new information. In fact I learned a lot from just spending time with him and Jeremy learned things from me. Here are three things I learned from Jeremy.
1. Marketing Jeremy Soul is a marketing genius. No doubt about it. He is one the best marketed person within Love Systems. That is one of the reasons why his day game workshops are always sold out.
A big part of it is also that Jeremy is good at networking. What I learned is that PR is a lot about networking with the right people. During the day I work at the Love Systems office where I am responsible for a lot of the marketing, but I still learned a lot from Jeremy on this area. After reading Crushit by Gary vaynerchuk and spending time with Jeremy I now understand a lot better what personal branding is. Over the course of this year I will be putting all these tips and tricks together to get myself more media exposure.
2. Day Game Even though I’ve been doing day game for a while now, I still learned a lot of things from Jeremy when it comes to day game. He’s the number 1 guy for day game and he is always evolving his own game. It’s a lot of subtle things that I learned, but my biggest breakthrough in day game is that now I’m fairly accurate at predicting which girls in the daytime are going to be receptive for an approach.
I remember about a year ago Soul telling me how he can spot girls that are going to be really easy to approach and close. Honestly, back then I thought he was just being delusional. Fast forward a year later, I now know exactly what he means. Now I can walk down a street and immediately see which girls are going to be easy to talk to with fair accuracy. It’s a weird skill to have.
Part of this is me having done many more daytime approaches over the course of a year, but also being around Jeremy more so I could pick up his subcommunications. A week earlier I had spent some time with him in San Francisco.
3. Social Circle Game Even though Jeremy might be best known for his day game, make no mistake he is also very savvy when it comes to networking, establishing relationships, and meeting the right people. In other words, social circle game.
He and I had long talks about this in our times in the car. Jeremy would give tons of examples of how he used social circle game to enrich his own life. Especially since he moved from London to Stockholm. I also shared some of my views and techniques on meeting the right people and establishing relationships.
He also shared a lot of things I never thought of or have even heard of. There are a lot of social circle game tricks that are not really widespread. The Social Circle Mastery seminar has tons of great material on building and extending social circles, but I even discovered many more tricks that are not covered in the seminar. So Soul and I were sharing a lot of these tips and tricks. I might post about these tips and tricks on this blog in the future.
Conclusion
So these are the things I learned from Jeremy Soul. Not only is the man great at what he is most known for, but he is very much a renaissance man. This year he is also leading Project Rockstar. If you haven’t applied yet, definitely check it out.
3 Things I Learned from Jeremy Soul is a post from Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach
New Features on My Blog
As you might have noticed, there are two new things added to my blog. The first is a new logo on top. My friend Mark of Blue Moon Studio designed it for me. Thanks Mark!
The next new thing is the featured content slider on the homepage. Once a while I will change the posts that I want to be featured on the homepage. This is for new visitors (and people somewhat new to my blog) to find more posts by yours truly.
Hope you guys enjoy it!
My First Vlog
Jeremy Soul of Life with Soul st ayed at my place for a week. Us two and Pendrixx were leading the Los Angeles Day Game workshop which w as a great success. We had 9 students that all did great.
Instead of writing the what happened the whole weekend, I figured doing a vlog is more fun and efficient. At some point later I will write a post what I learned from Jeremy (which is a lot!). Till then, check out the vlog.
My First Vlog is a post from Bonsai – Asian Dating Coach
A Life of a Dating Coach Currently in San Francisco
I’m writing this blog as Jeremy Soul is sleeping next to me and whim is sleeping in his bedroom. It’s 9am and the day before we finished the Day Game workshop. This weekend I was staying at whim’s place with Jeremy to help out on the Day Game workshop.
Friday night after the office I went to LAX but I was a couple hours early only because I wanted to see the Lakers game. Unfortunately they lost big time and I immediately got a text from a girl (it’s actually the dancer I met at the LA Bootcamp last week, she is from Denver) how I should silence my mouth….ouch ;)
I sit at the gate for my flight to San Francisco. As I tweeted, there were no cute girls on my flight to SF. I truly believe airport terminals are a good representative how hot the girls are in a certain city and the quantity. SF is not really known for having good looking girls and that was reflected on my flight.
I arrive just after midnight, hop in a cab, and crash at whim. A lot of people think that the life of a dating coach is all fun and glory. Braddock wrote a post on a day of a dating coach. Well…it kind of is but it’s also a lot of hard work and sleepless nights. Most people don’t see that side. Not counting sometimes that you have to travel a lot (which is a plus) but you also don’t see your friends and family that much.
For me it’s mostly a lot of work and I’m fully immersed within Love Systems. During the week, I work at the office where I do the marketing. At night during the week, I work on my blog, respond to emails, work on LS related projects (like infield recording, writing, etc). Whenever there is a one-day seminar, bootcamp or Day Game workshop around California, I’m there. So sometimes I’ll be working 24/7 anything related to dating.
I realized that before I got into this. That’s why for me it’s really important to have focus outside of dating to keep myself balanced. Time with friends outside Love Systems and dating is really important to me. I want to be able to go out with my friends who know nothing about dating science. That’s why my social circle is very varied. That’s why it’s also very cool that Love Systems has a wide variety of instructors. We have Caucasian instructors, black (Vercetti), Asian (myself, Mr M, Jeremy Soul), and Hispanic (dahunter). If you ever wanted to work with someone of your own “race”, Love Systems has someone for you.
So yesterday we had a sold out workshop. It was me, Jeremy Soul, and Starlight leading the workshop. Plus we had approach coaches whim plus two guys who flew in from Utah. I see bright a future for these guys and they all did great. It was seriously one of the best day game workshops I’ve been part of so far. By the end of the day you could see everyone had a smile on their face and they walked with a swagger. Daddy is proud.
After the workshop we invited all the students for diner at Osha Thai. The food was seriously good. I also invited one guy I did a phone consultation with who is a venture capitalist. It was great meeting him in person and he had some great ideas how we could grow Love Systems. I was taking notes as I was picking his brain. I can’t wait to work out the ideas and start implementing them.
After diner Starlight, Jeremy Soul, and I all went back to whim’s place to rest up. We wanted to all go out after freshing up a little bit but that didn’t happen. After walking all day long and working with students we were too exhausted to go out.
(me drinking Thai beer)
Instead, we were watching California Pimp videos and trying to break down his game. In case you don’t know who California pimp is….he’s a genius. He’s a guy who films girls when they come over for a calendar shoot….or that’s what these girls think. The (legit) girls really think they are coming for a shoot but CP has different ideas. Of course the girls are really nervous as they are in a stranger’s apartment and he is filming everything. But CP is so pimp that he makes them feel really comfortable and he gets the girls to take their clothes really slowly. Then before you know it….the girl is going down on him.
What’s so fascinating is that his game 100% verbal. He doesn’t physically escalate at all but instead the girls are physically escalating ON HIM. So we all were watching a couple (pr0n) videos of how he does this and trying to break down his game. It’s really eye opening and it’s a totally different style of game. Karea, a well respected member of the Lounge, has a great break down of his game written down. Check it out on the Lounge if you have access.
There you have it. Four guys watching pr0n and studying game. It can’t get anymore efficient than that! After that we just were talking about different things like business, game, life in general and how we are all going Supernova this year. I am especially excited as I see awesome things ahead of me this year.
That brings us back to this Sunday morning. I have to take a shower, head off to SFO, drive to a friend’s place for Super Bowl (will barely make it for kick off!), and cheer for the Colts. Bonsai out.
Another Round of LA Bootcamp Fun
So the past weekend was a bootcamp with The Don in Los Angeles. LA is housing a lot of instructors now:
-Pendrixx
-Daxx
-Dubbsy
-dahunter
-Braddock
-Savoy
-The Don
-Myself
That means one thing…..plenty of trouble :)
Everyone was there at the bootcamp except for Savoy and Braddock. We had a great group of guys. Everyone was eager to learn and had a great time kicking ass at the infield workshop. One guy had really good “couch game” because once he had a girl sitting on the couch with him….game over.
After the first night of infield I was still very energized. So what to do at 2am? You guessed it….hit up a strip club! So I took 3 guys with me and I would teach some basic stripper game. I got the phone number of one stripper and they saw text book stripper game happening right in front of them.
The second night the students did even better. Everyone was armed with truth bombs (our new term only taught and explained at bootcamps) ready to be delivered. One of the bottle service girls even bit Daxx on the arm as a way of showing affection.
One of the things that really hit me lately is how sometimes it’s really hard for me to relate to students. My life is so different now and better in so many different ways. But not too long ago I was in the same shoes as these guys. I wanted to improve my dating life and I was looking for a solution. Now every time I help at bootcamps and workshops it hits me in the face how awesome these people are and how badly they want to succeed. It makes me realize again what it is like to be in the shoes of someone who wants to improve their dating life. That makes me motivated to help because I know what it takes to get that success. Then when you see these guys succeed……I almost get an orgasm.
Tomorrow I’ll be flying to SF to help day game expert Jeremy Soul on his workshop. Then the week after that he will stay at my place for a week and we’ll do the LA Day Game workshop too.
Good times and good times ahead.
